Fifty shades of grey and the other two, El James

mills and boon ahoy

We interupt the strange world of the monkey house and go visit the normal world, apologies.

It started with Andrea our zoo keeper who was reading isbn: 9780099579939 is the book fifty shades of grey, and eventually i get (my blog) it -us  being comedians, this block buster which are not the things i usually read. Although i do read* internet porn which has a magnitude of out there that publishing has issues with – words like vagina are missing in publishing.  50sog is very hetrosexual reads like mills and boon** with its fairy tale english literature cinderella arts major meets the prince.

Its quite tame by the monkey house standards and 50sog is a seduction.   One wonders how many unhappy english lit students there will be when they dont meet that millionaire ceo with a helicopter . Being a shortage of princes.

2/5 bananas tame but coherent.

Fifty shades darker, isbn: 9780099579922 is the second book and continues its prediction for apple porn, helicopters and occasional sub par love interest.  the s&m is toned back for the mills and boon audience and vagina is not mentioned and replaced with ‘our sex’.Nothing kinky happens by monkey house standards either and we are back to luxury yachts and ball gowns.

mr grey required asap

Like those trouble at mill dramas it follows we have villians and being very heterosexual there’s a marriage proposal and our english lit princess gets promoted one week into an temp job.  Golly its too good to be true land.

1/5 bananas

The last book freed (isbn:9780099579946 )seems worth a read as can Ana Steel dekink Mr Grey from his playroom which Ms Steele is so frigid about.

It starts safe with le marriage and honeymoon so who really cares about that publishing career, keeping safely married there’s a bit more sex and the odd strange word that the copy reader seemed to miss that is the ‘my sex’ thing i noted earlier.

Ana our hero is now going to run her own publishing firm that’s going to make english literature students insufferable for some.  EL James perceptions of reporters is also a little unreal and mixed in car crashes and attempted kidnapping this book is joke with a very happy ending.

0/5 bananas AND THEY BOTH LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER

But it has got people reading and into libraries, i would argue that publishing is a bit puritan about its attitudes to sex and the success of the ebooks probably made it a commercial decision to print a version opposed to an author seeking the literature snobs here in the uk.

An amusing tweet from @fiftyshadesofshit

My vagina was now so sensitive, that even the slightest touch caused me to fill my knickers with fanny foam. I was a human McFlurry machine

Internet porn is still better if the publishers and agents are reading.  I wonder if english literature majors will be disappointed in this dream.

* not image ** girl meet very rich boy ***liberal art major

ology’s in the mist

Dont take my picture you evil terrorist picture taker you

Are you intelligent ? maybe ? and do you have a peice of paper that says your an a****. well that only measures one side of the brain, not the other and can you do what your piece of paper says.

That is the problem according to many while they might be a***** but cant right (i parodies for you)  and should there be a tribe of a******’s as well are you really distinguished from the rest.

The test is is the marker and should it get considerable easier as it did with Gordon Brown then its grade to that one side of the brain is a bit meaning less, then again move to the other way and everybody is thick.

That has just happened and neither labour, conservative or liberals will admit to wrong doing.  It apparently is not something they did.  Funny that.  Mind you being thicker has it benefits in bad economy and delays people by failing them.

So the test is a meaningless thing to determine brainz.  Why as the case of the gcse shows if you cant right (another joke) and have a* then get caught the politicians have been at work, and if your thick en masse like the current crop then you to have been had by the politicians.

Maybe all humans have all been had.

The art of war, the household cavalry, and the tv documentary

the shelter you needed some months ago

Bananas as an ape likes the factual programs like this (my blog), the place also has items about weapons some downright scary to the mundane gun and how it became guided and go through bunkers.

What is interesting that the speed of development requires a use case to show failings in the first reloading weapons and so the tv use with causing injury and fatality to human images and pointing out that soldier a b c would have hand injuries or pelvic injuries leaving them with internal bleeding.

However i also learned that the household cavalry which most of assume are a bit pointless hold the record for long distance shooting  which impressed bananas since some people here (my blog) associate the army with marching bands.

Somehow i like the candid honesty of this new reporting with shooting of robots and stuff with bags of water and slowed down footage.  It can tell you lot about the world.

‘Temporary’ buildings the other lot also did not invest in.

Dont take my picture you evil terrorist picture taker you

Depending on what you believe there is perception that things are always better with the other lot. Stephen Twigg (bbc) made this fatal mistake with green grass .

There is much illogical to say about Mr Twigg for all his good intentions had 11 years in power to fix the leaky flat roof* but did not fund it either.  Politicians have bad memories, but Twiggs seems to do a large dis-service to many whom vote for them.

* geniuses abound in local govenment who buy this long term temporary buildings lke this for some odd reason.  If you applied to build a flat roof structure in england now most council planners would want assurances that your not insane with the climate being what it always has been

The genuis of xkcd

Dictators, degrees, double standards and diplomats.

The 4 D’s is still not available as a cinema projection standard yet.  However life is humorous at times.

Being serous – The Labour party doing the double standards thing (lest you not forget the release of a terrorist) having criticized the lse for taking a dictators money, while ignoring another dictators offspring of Craig Murray (see my links) fame is doing a fashion degree at an educational institution located in England.

Alas let it not be know that one western university there had to pack up when Islam Karimov of Uzbekistan sent his citizens  cotton picking and forgot to pay fees to the university. A fact that Gordon Brown and co could not have honesty given a shit about with the trade and education ties to that place while in power that clearly it had to close being un-viable.

Gordon Brown and the Millibands I think they lost that ethics and truth argument on the lse too one thinks.

So if the uk university abroad does not work,the latest ambassador [not Mr Murray] to Uzbekistan was also seen with Karimov’s rich daughter  pimping her fashion wear. Thats another ‘d’ done and dusted.  He along with others should be aware that Mr Murray lost his civil service job for having ethics, perhaps since the loss of an senior lse staffer for no ethics, he too might be looking for another career soon too.

As to university degrees since one now has to pay for one, who is to say that those nice despotic dictators sons or daughters should not be allowed to attend an education establishment in europe despite paying for it?

Can’t go wrong with the D’s can you.

So unless your a disposable royal, or a politician of doublespeak yes you too are too special to fire.

Teaching with a desmond or a vorderman

A desmond for those who think its a human name is actually a third class degree the lowest level of a ‘pass’,  In England apparently has 1000 of these people all called desmond or vordeman (who is a alcoholic) whom want to be teachers.

mr s from kes a class example of the role model for pe teachers

You may not know this but to be a teacher you need a levels, i will never be a teacher being a monkey, however these substandard people are allowed to to be teachers.

Some people do have difficulties with a second language but you have to wonder what kind of values these teachers have, somehow i do hope they be the retarded sporty types because thick people do sport don’t they.

Students, golf course degrees and Gordon Brown

Dont take my picture you evil terrorist picture taker you

So late to the party as ever on this but with all the hoo haa about british student tuition fees i am wondering why Gordon Brown (who sold the gold) and the Guardian are not taking the blame for fucking up university education.

If you remember the Guardian (which is a newspaper) recommended voting lib dem after recognizing the wrongs of Gordons many weird ideas, Alas nobody extra voted for them and they still got third place.

Granted theres little difference between the labour ‘fees’ and the conservative ‘fees’ and an excess of a***** students who cannot get to any university.

Charlie Gilmore Tally ho im rich and i have no clue why im protesting.

Some of the Rupert Murdoch inspired/influenced msm press has been most amusing, for i discover the antics of the anti establishment pop star son (eg pink floyd) is a near billionaire in net worth and goes to an established tier 1 university where you have to be homosexual and love communism, a salville row suit also helps.

Very diverting and not likely to affect Charlie Gilmour at all, his antics being documented by the msm means anything like trying to burn down a court building and playing tether-ball on that landmark says something and as his dad and industry use both a lot perhaps is not the historian he is supposed to be.

So everybody except the Conservative party and lib dems lied to voters and yet the people like Brown  and the left media types where also lying about their intentions.

I’m with the students (even after Charlie Gilmours statements on the protest) on the wrongness of it, however  I see little point in a**** grades for all or useless shit like golf course management degrees.  The lesson here is that your blaming the wrong people and your screwed anyway.

You had no choice to start with.  But please blame the right people* though.

* gordon brown/milibands is a good place to start

local council waste – or why cuts are good.

Here at the zoo there is much head scratching going on about cuts to local council services (and its not fleas).  We pay the top rate for services, and have

1. already lost library buildings (this under gorden brown),
2. library opening hours
3. we never see policemen of any type  and imagine if they do come from 50 miles away – eg good after the event.

The monkey house produces a bag a rubbish a week which is sent to the local dump nearby, the rest is composted on site, or put in boxes for recycling which the council gets money for.

So – precisely what do these mass of people do in local councils ? buggered if i know – sell landfill cubic to other councils?, put up speed cameras to make money.  I’m sure social services exists as an excelling in blaming somebody else read inspector , or pcbloggs for that in blogs i read.

Education – A couple of years ago the government wanted to reduce class sizes- teachers where educated as that since a lot where supposed to be retiring.etc and then these new teachers could not find jobs because local councils did not want to reduce class sizes (example from scotland) however demographics meant less children so the class size issue was solved in another fashion.

Every book from the library i reserve (a lot if you read this blog)  seems also to incur a charge.  So lets not pretend we pay twice sometimes for that.

Lets be clear – i am not anti progress but for our top whack we see very little in actual service and staff.  Indeed i am sure some of the money is well spent, but most waste seems to be on staff or for things we never see will be safe, and the things i use the library are asked for extra cuts.

Inspector Gadget (see blogs i read) probably illustrates this best with diversity officers (also in prison service) and an army of retarded unionised back office* staff who place more importance on an ethnic name or accent than a white person if you ring.

There is waste and to deny that it does not exist would be foolish.  So beware as one lot of fools argues with another lot of fools both trying to defend fiefdoms and screwing you and me by closing a library or three.

For those of you who decide to misread this in some way.  Answer this. What would you say to an newly trained teacher** who cannot get a job because local government is not hiring them or had any intention of.

* i am not anti union ** i do not teach

Charlie muses on High School musical.

Charlie is the head zoo security guy (for those who forget him a reminder) and when we return to zoo from the pub we apes always pop in the security office for a chat, a cup of pg tips tea, and just maybe an after pub banana before we return to the monkey house.

camp Lucas Grabeel in one of his many hats.

A couple of days ago we started get Miley Cyrus nude spam’s, which the hosts involved were firewalled (we monkeys love iptables on linux) and know she is not a imap mail server but some male human erection magnet for preteens because of an unseen disney film..

So we told Charlie about these, and then he said to us High school musical (that’s the disney film imdb: tt0475293) was on tv tonight in an few minutes time which had the no clothes wearing Miss Cyrus (not an imap server) in. Charlie and his crack team of security staff then all made sure they would be in to see it on the communal tv set.  A banana was handed to myself so i decided to stay as well to see what the fuss is about..

The film is about an american high school where apparently admitting you like cooking, playing a musical instrument, or liking maths is something like being gay, The cast of stereotypes including the very camp Lucas Grabeel all come-out in a big song and dance number, while our misfit heros overcome great odds to sing together with their clothes on.  I was most disappointed with that.

British version of high school grange hill - not camp.

Theres a point to this as the american school was perfect, with not a spot of graffiti, or signs of Balitmore (this blog) anywhere to be seen and after the last camp scene (it involves biscuits) Charlie and his team said it’s not like a bog standard comprehensive school like Grange Hill (wiki) which it seems Charlie went to.

I asked why and got the response it was too clean, too nice and beyond reality as even we know human children are beastly to each other.

Alas we never saw a no clothes wearing Miley Cyrus.  It’s odd that a sugar and sweet tale of humans is so loved by people when it appears is nothing like the reality they know.

We however thanked Charlie for the post pub banana and got a better understanding of humanity in return.  More serous posts will return when i finish reading some books which means returning to to the monkey house .

Humans.