The virtual renault

a real one

Professor dropped by and explained the mechanics of car buying in the age of the internet to us apes since cars and internet are most resistant to each other unlike insurance products and most other things.  .

Most of those car price comparison sites are useless unless you know what you specifically want* so it still entailed a visit to a dealer or group for the average non Jeremy Clarkson human of which professor is.

Renaults are hard to buy and professor has been told by Renault dealerships no they don`t have any of the car models (no sale) and once ordering a car only to discover that the dealer screwed up the order (another no sale) later on.

However he took another attempt and was told that one he could buy (not order) one but it was not in stock but could obtain it but was unaware as to where it was..This virtual car sold to professor while it assumedly exists is not moving from where it is to the dealer who apparently sold this car.

schrodingers car?

So networking has some benefits for the dealer., or perhaps not if Renault are anything to go by. – mind you he could buy another brand if this virtual car and the secrets of renaults wonderful network remain elusive.

Overall there is some internet but the car industry seems quite internet resistant still. However it still took a month for a renault garage to sell a pre registered car.

Quite how something that exists but may or may not be sold and kept a secret** is amusing. The car eventually arrived a month later, (my blog) it seems you cannot download a car yet

*banana coloured cars with compost bins for the skins **not telling

mending a car seat saga

The zoo has a transport device where the seats need fixing, others here in the zoo have been asking for it to done for years but it fell upon deaf ears.  The four wheeled device is now being sold (hunt the bills time) and then person then decided to fix it.

Please make of this what you will.  I hope the new owner likes the restored chairs.

Well it is one to way to fix it.

Electric cars interiors

The zoo likes the idea of the elecric car (my blog and watches reviews of them what does put me off is the fact that the 60/40 folding back seat found in most fossil fuelled cars is still missing from electric cars.

Why is this always seems to be an either/or thing in cars like the smart car or renault zoe which can put the seat down but it has always one configuration and not a mix of both?

Sure there might be a weight penalty  and extra material in this two part panel but it is useful with the occasional bulky item.  I suppose as a non hipster ape putting something in the back* is probably not something the hipster does but instead drive it round to show off to people instead.

Sigh. Anyhow you can now also look for this design flaw in electric cars.

*imagine that you go to ikea and buy a flat pack object? – or need to dispose of ewaste senario.

Not fixing cars with google

I am not a mechanic but google is an interesting way to diagnose problems being a non mechanic when its battery/fuses/immobiliser mean yes it is an electrical fault something and our attempts to diagnose it where a failure.

So an human expert was sought, youtube is an interesting place although some solutions seem per year model and i guess wont work on a older or newer versions

On refection It appears that our battery charger does not work, and the battery was the fault from a second opinion despite having enough voltage to switch on most electrics.

The cars guide book was also vague when it was consulted on what it could be so nobody came out a winner being not a ‘please insert the forth wheel’ obvious fault…

A car that cannot start but powers up instruments is almost a paradox, and it appears one issue more will be seen of by many.

The french car form adventure

Your citroen It needs new ice skates

Bananas was asked by professor to get a air quality certificate (this is not a boring post) for his car when he goes on safari to France.

He only knew of it via the fud of a newspaper (my blog) that he does not read and the extended family read. His attempts to figure out this shit are laughable as four weeks have past since then and i go see professor and eventually get roped into this exercise in french form filling that costs euros too.

So much for the european free market and this is before brexit (my blog).  Whether or not the french use the lack of such a thing as an excercise to make money from foreigners* either via fines for not having one or tax for having a label i suppose is a moot point now.  But there well known for it and the rest of the eu is also fair game to Jorge the bureaucratic frenchman.

Its a fairly pain free process if your aware of french civil servants ideals via a website name, make, vin number provided that is you have the right registration documents at the right address.

More ‘complex’ things needed include the emissions standard of which a google search got me a value that the form liked and was on the form. However professor tells me that the value stated is not on on the label supplied but incremented by one.  You views on the right value seems to be a judgement call between ignoring what is on the form is right or wrong – i guess one set of bureaucrats would be most upset by that. .

Then they want a jpeg of the registration document that is a very small attachment size. First attempts scanned the document (four pages) in where 8 mb – the target was 400kb

not that sort of gimp, perhaps a zoo attracttion ?

So they only got part of the document, after a lot of faffing about with that scanner and the gimp* (my blog) the french government expects you to own and able to use, oh and scp to copy the file to professors workstation.

In the end on my first attempt i get a car that can be registered that the computer in France seems to accept and professor does the rest.

While his ownership document and the french might be mildly compatible per eu regulations it seems that this is not liked by the tax collecting authorities and so a special process only to them is ‘required’.

I think that breaks the eu ‘spirit’ but that’s just me thinking about the issue.  If this was some rant about paid roads (not government) then this would be crazy talk but its a process that tells government something that they already know if even i do not know what that information is and as one computer can ask another.

It seems there are French bureaucrats who are sceptic of the eu dont tell them but i am on to them..

Something to think about. *open source graphics manipulatiom – enjoy the joke * includes road haulers hgv’s etc

The car key

keyBananas has been watching a youtube channel in which the ‘secure’ individual key has been diminished by as this authorised agent tries various keys to find he has one that opens doors and switches on the car.  Most of these cars are american made but it does raise a question.

European cars seem more secure provided you cannot sniff the wireless protocol.

wenlock a policeman

wenlock a policeman

In England the Metropolitan police here London once ‘lost’ a set of universal car keys in the past and these where known to have entered criminal society.

a number

I guess with enough patience and a vin a spare set of keys could be easily made.

Think about it.

1960’s technology with a hint of mutta

moobbuggyThe monkey house recorded a tv thing about the moon rovers, if the us ever goes futher than the moon then the cars for local things will mostly be of 1960 technology

In Space Brothers (my blog) goes over the most of the content abet in fiction rather than documentary which documented the efforts to make short haul transport for the moon.

To my surprise most of the moon machine technology dates from 1970 and is still touted as good for everything else minus the the gps of which Mutta installed.

The documentary was very american in focus but remains a lasting object which will not rust which cannot be said of earth based cars.  In fact it could be said that only now is the technology on the moon being adapted for earth.

Government documents

shitbritishleylandcarProfessor ‘lost’ a number of government documents relating to cars during his move (my blog) so we apes where tasked to find them somewhere before they got sent to the peoples republic of Swansea.

daiquir

daiquir

Prof’s new house is really nice and while we all hunted for official government brown envelopes which we found and we then got rewarded with banana daiquiri’s.

That’s living, however it make sense since with austerity charges from government for replacement documents at £20 each it means its worth not losing them to start with and they had been misplaced rather than really lost.

There is not a lot of free when your dealing with uk government forms and that’s avoiding the scams (my blog)

Professors Renault gouffre financier

renaultOur professor was complaining about a renault clio to us apes here in the zoo.  Apparently its had a new windscreen wiper motor, camshaft, strut so some strange issues so a money pit.

Renault might be a mainstream brand but when it costs more than an bmw to fix go figure there is a issue.  Whether his garage he uses are crooks or not is a question but quite how a windscreen wiper motor burns out is a question that even Renault have some responsibility over – while yes it does rain it hardly rains 24 hours everyday.