star trek discovery is a disaster, prelude to axnar looked the better fan made show.

Star Trek latest incarnation Discovery is a bit of a disaster imho with Americans paying over the odds for it.   That is cbs first error but as an non american not my problem.

Does this mean netflix international becomes the metric deemed successful tv series – not sure Hollywood will approve of that.  Think on that.

Prelude to Axnar looked better – even if it was on sticky copyright ground.

youtube which was shut down by cds/paramount.ssince the fans appeaar to do star trek better than jj abrams who might have had the cast* but rebooted and failed in film.

First up my criticisms of st:d are:

  • an angry vulcan human [woah]
  • women*women*women [sjw]
  • redesigned klingons [$]
  • um did you see that youtube video i linked too?
  • Why are cbs doing the Tom Paris [voyager] thing?
  • Replacement ships [more voyager] syndrome
  • rushed

It felt like a bad star trek film** [hint jj abrams at the helm] rather than a tv series.  So it feels like paramount/cbs are screwing it up aand getting netflix to pay for it.  I look forward to seeing the cbs executive who makes the netflix demograhic a thing justifiable.

Many insiders wont like that.

Having seen the first two (second was 38 minutes) long it appears that 12 minutes of adverts can be inserted by others the same reduced running time as st:v. which saw the reduction from 45 minutes to 38 minutes.

Somehow i fear netflix got conned by cbs.

I am still waiting for a tv show – not an excuse for jj abrams to make lost profit on him failing to do star trek right.

0 bananas.

*until Chekov was killed by a jeep. ** even i have not seen the last yet

low budget ‘horror’ films

If you want to make a high profit hollywood film better forget it with hollywood accounting (my blog)

Anyhow some films do have a high profit to cost ratio, these are horror films with shit production values which mean two people and half a dog seeing the film equal a profit.  Which brings me to the human centipede of which i can happily tell you was on free tv unknown by me one day in the past.

Having heard (my blog) of the nature of this film i decided to have a view although i had missed the start.

retardThe horror was oddly mia – a dentist extraction scene saw a cut from the actors to a prop and then there was the moaning*, and the people pretending to be the thing where wearing underwear.

Prudish ? – having removed teeth and pretending to have surgically glued three people together of something i discover that underwear is a thing.

If this is what shocks your average horror fan then there a bit retarded.

Five minutes of this crap reminded me of midget horse riders (my blog)

I have no idea what happened , but know they made a sequel of which i have no desire to see.

You have to wonder why some choices where made.

*excuse the pun

all our wrong todays,Elan Mastai

isbn: 9780718184070 is an odd book since it is written by a film screen writer which means it failed the hollywood test.  I am not inclined to rate it as a book since the writer really is not a writer.

It shall be interesting to see if it now passes the hollywood test, i somehow doubt it will.  Interesting for its comment on the film industry but not a book

0/5 bananas

Art imitates life ? or weirdo film fans

237Room 237  (imdb:tt2085910) is a look at the shining a Stanely Kilbrick film which divides opinion although i find horror films generally flawed (my blog).

Anyhow it was on very early one day which i recorded on free tv.   Despite the problems that the film is not the book snob purists many of the fan contributions strike me as plain retarded including the faked moon landings featured person who probably thinks captain kirk is also proof that the moon**  does not also exist.

These people strike me as deranged – the last seemed to assume he was going to become a psychopath and copy the film, and the people who watch film backwards seem to be from the bible bashers fringe who did that with elvis and metal music.

Points are made about set too, but these deranged ‘uber fans’ forget about the practicable nature of film making which seems odd.   I could poke further holes but it is not nice to make fun of the mentally retarded after all its well known that George Lucas got fed up building two death stars*.

0/5 bananas horror fans really are that retarded.   Stanely definitely had the last laugh on these people.

*joke **thats no moon – win a banana skin you can name the film

The unmentionable bigot

retard says sorryA long time ago Bananas read a book from an amazon list when they where shaking up publishing from its laziness (my blog).  Back then it was considered merit worthy and it was let down right at the end by its bigoted author who meant it never got a blog post here.

Then many years later a film was made and the bigot who had since become very well known for bigoted views even by me was called out for which i never saw it until it was on free television.  After all money encourages there people to continue to do awful things and it appears the bigoted followers neither saw it in a cinema either.

Much of the bigots setup was scrapped from the film and even if bigoted made it into a popcorn film with an option for sequels which have not since happened – phew although i did not see it all the way through it rather got lost.

You may have noticed that i have not mentioned anything and yes that was intentional. Oh the book was better if you want a hint but i threw it away.

Bloggers and that ‘ya’ thing dream.

sparkleBananaas in the Falklands has no desire to write a book, or a screenplay aimed at anybody including the teenage market which is or ‘was’ apparently ‘hot’ until the money stopped after all its been done a lot.

Why is Bananas jaded ? no because she lives in a monkey enclosure and sees humans every day but for same reasons such as

  • do you really want to write a derivative work of harry potter and twlight as you know that ‘sells’.
  • you cannot write what you mean (no sex please i’m writing for teenagers), and you might be considered racist/sexist/chimp** if you do not have a race and gender mix including the ‘deviants’*** and then the bible thumpers still wont read it.
  • Your monster cannot fill just one book, you have to write three*  – quality will go down
  • Hollywood might take your idea and screw it up, professional writers also suffer from this too your going to have upset readers, or some other reason to regret it

So next time i see a visitor and somebody says i want to be a ya author are you feeling well ? Mind you with wordpress being a poor reading place  – click this, go there i have not seem to ran into wannabe writers as i once did.

Anyhow at least that fad is over

* so much for brevity ** i joke  but you get idea no monkeys then its not inclusive. *** deviant in this case means anything offensive to Christians who ban books from schools in america for being unwholesome.


Television industry versus Neflix – some thoughts.

The television industry apparently now perceives netflix * (my blog) as a threat but many of televisions ‘woes’ where made by them.

For a start before netflix there was vhs, and many television stations ate there young content either by showing it at odd times like breaking bad, and then cancelling the run on broadcast tv as a more modern example, i could give older examples..

If it did not get the numbers or tampons sold tough via the retards at a c neilson. So the question is why did it get a shit schedule point. I think tv screwed up breaking bad, not netflix.

Then multichannel tv came, with some piracy by the murdoch family a monopoly was created and tv output was graded so sport was deemed more expensive than drama. If you like me hate sport then television is for fat people watching sport

If your producing something and netflix pays for it when the television mafia will either show at an awful time and not give you good money for it for that reason then clearly why would not you sell it to netflix.  After all nobody cared in tv..

moranThen the tv people who just showed three episodes at one am in the morning it complain. What strange people they are.

*no japanese anime here either

Chav cinema’s problem with non superhero films

loyalcardLoyalty cards do change there behaviour over time and one i occasionally borrow / ‘use’ was declared as useless as airmiles (my blog) recently

Adding things is easy, ‘removing’ them for use is well apparently you cannot do that.  Not worth bothering with which brings me to oscar season when all those films you had never heard of get a monday morning in January cinema schedule time in the multiplex.

I was looking at a website where the loyalty card scheme (my blog) of this chain of cinemas was offering extra culture points if there clients see such films.

They might win gongs of a dubious nature* but the appetite for such films is limited and this is a problem that said chains only make worse with limited distribution.

*my friend gave me a prize


The last ape not to see that disney star wars film



True to my banana i have yet to see the lens flared (my blog) new star wars film (my blog). So that’s at least two of us who have not seen it

Why well lens flare is just a bright light ‘effect’ that anyone can perform with a torch and wearing sunglasses to that persons films seems silly.

So if you did see it did you enjoy the latest Jar Jar character? But remember its not a high priority here.  I have no intention of seeing it.

I also note that those £110 plus tax toys i wrote of from above are still for sale.  Oh and what’s his face ([as seen on tv] my blog) will be probably be selling them for under that in the future.

If your not a crazy fan then good for you, however if your sanity* is in doubt then write me a comment.  After all you have more toys** to buy and i bet you are really excited about that.

*i prefer the homophobic and racist star wars fans to comment. **playing with dollies,, what do the mental health profession (my blog) think of you they probably have a nice straight jacket made for you.

Over to you.