Comrade May’s eggs and flour shortage

street urchins with terror tools

I note that on a secret* election trip Theresa May (my blog) who is averse to questions and will always reply with two words starting with s caused an eggs and flour shortage somewhere secret which is kind of creepy being she is the capitalist and you expect queues for food in soviet russia (historic) or north korea today provided it is not food aid provided by its enemies..

These eggs and flour items where deemed terrorist bomb making equipment while citizen may was in town secretly and possibly performing as a childrens party entertainer.   Quite what this says about capitalism is left to you the reader to imagine

It becomes rather amusing when politicians failings make news rather than the message with the same two s words in.

I hope nobody starved.

citizen may the children’s entertainer

I offer a free banana skin as a prize which you can collect from the zoo if you wish to comment with the magic words starting with s.  Something Comrade May likes too! assuming she is vegan.

However as banana skins can have a comedic value i am sure a law will be passed by her party banning bananas in the future as is what politicians do .

seems appropriate from chitty chitty bang bang

So if you ever have to entertain Thresa May you know eggs and flour are off the menu. Quite how this clergyman’s daughter** is so intolerant to eggs and flour is an exercise left to you the reader.

*also know as children’s party events ** clergymen see the worst of society a lesson learned by there family members as well.

Frankenstien flash

franknfurterI begin with a compile of nodejs which for some reason desired that it remove flash from debian with a compiler required that i thought i might need but probably did not – so my fault.

So i have no flash plugin which brings me to the perverse state of html video and audio – especially stuff in translation.

The video is not flash, but h264, the subtitles are in flash.  So i switch to chrome browser with pepper flash in 64 bit linux  which kind of works if your dont mind powering off your computer every thirty minutes since it froze about then.

Even the ad industry cannot figure out this shit, some adverts just played sound, no video some did both and the warning emitted by chrome browser amount to displeasure by the rendering engine.

mallThe best advert was for a shopping mall in africa.  I think it was in africa being london zoo residents it did look a bit too sunny.  It certainly made me think.  How 1980’s malls.

The induced level of fuckup involved here made me both think and laugh.  If this is what advertising does no wonder internet advertising is in the state its in.  As to the drm requirements by the copyright brigade – lol

I still cannot install flash since the upstream source is broken [404] so although i created this monster it is interesting to see the fallout.

I am amused and disgusted for if i can see the faults and flaws of the shit advertising attempts to do then clearly there clueless.

Perhaps if i learn to play the violin* frankenstein will behave.

However an attempt to load the same site in an older version of firefox resulted in a message to piss off, and the more newer version of firefox on a virgin linux pc resulted in no sound or video also so the violin trick probably won’t work

*i joke.

Mad ginger royals and even madder ginger people

what what

Ginger people are odd and there is ginger haired loony called Mark Colborne kept in a secure mental health home for his desire to kill any non ginger haired royals (not here) and anybody else who is not ginger.  I suppose that is being sunshine intolerant for you.

Mark Colborne and it seems his royal idol with the right coloured hair* both seem to have a health problem apparently ‘grief’ – perhaps he should grow crops in Lincolnshire until  sanity returned under the care of Dr. Francis Willis.

Medication time.

It worked in imdb tt0110428.

If you know any ginger people they too might be weirdos

*royals usually are usually not ginger

the ‘diet’

Professor when in the zoo told us apes a very funny story about his mate and the diet tv program she watched.  I will return to this topic in the future.

Nutrition science so fucked up that apparently burnt toast gets you cancer, chocolate in non fattening and by that logic smoking cigars must be good for you.

As a well known scientist myself i can recommend that cardboard boxes are VERY healthy if eaten raw – to avoid the toast problem do not warm them up.

One diet was a baby food diet which needs a lot of water apparently and other crank ‘methods’ which professor could not believe females would do.    Ironically to call professors mate fat is a bit of a lie but that’s the power of these professional psychological lairs at work.

are-you-serious-wtf-meme-baby-faceBut that’s female humans for you.

The mystery is that she fell asleep for the last twenty minutes so the results as to what kind of cardboard equals the best kind of gross weight loss are unknown both to Prof and her.

Humanity…

 

The long distance self rectifying dect phone

hellotmobileThe monkey house has dect phones, and throughout the year i have got hits that there crap as users have been SHOUTING and saying so to people while on the phone although i have idea if the cell phone tower the people are using is bad or not.

I looked into ‘fixes’ but did nothing as extenders dont apparently work with junk call blockers and then one day the complainants from the monkey house stopped.

Phones deemed ‘rubbish’ then started working properly and people stopped shouting. Sure one phone is old but with dect phones your buying a standard although our mixture of two well known brands, and an unknown brand will always cast some doubt as to the best phone.

Dect phones do wear out and i know what will go next* but whether that is obsolete or not is an interesting question dect has changed since its first release as some can do date and time and others cannot but the core function of making calls works so i am not changing anything.

Registering the phones is a bit of a performance but not beyond anybody who can read the instructions.

*the oldest one silly

Summer chickens of television talent shows discarded by the public.

guess who this person is

guess who this person is

Bananas had a spare moment when another of those made by talent show series ‘winners’ made some sort of headline and i had never heard of them and apparently they too where replaced like the one in the picture who is my go to non famous person who apparently should have been but you know did not by a version 2 or even better version 10 of them, you get the idea and it seems you humans keep watching that kind of thing  – oh ‘sir alan sugar’ had this problem too.

I like my ignorance about this kind of stuff.  But i am sure by this time next year your be still voting your next star and forgotten about the ones you voted for this year.

A surreal conversation about yeti’s and abominable snowmen

yetiBananas was told a funny story by our zoo professor about a man who was going to try and shoot a yeti in Alaska.  Really this happened.

This man hired by professor for some work in his house was in Bear Grylls  ‘mode’ and these creatures seem to have migrated from Tibet to America – although Tibet is not really tourist friendly (my blog) country for non Chinese citizenry.

If you ignore the ‘i hate my job’ vibe from the human then apparently a funny story started involving guns, rations and told to us later if winnie the pooh’s (my blog) helalump should also be located which appears to be a lot cheaper being you walk around a tree in the snow in england however that is unappealing.

Professor was not sure how to respond to this hunt the yeti although it does feel a lot like an episode of the mighty boosh (my blog)

I mean no wonder yeti’s are brilliant at not being seen when weirdos as described exist.  If you where a yeti or something unknown i would terrified of psychopathic humans like the one prof encountered.

as seen on tv and now please call a charity or else

Bananas was watching a program on tv i usually catch up on demand it is un blog worthy usually although i have mentioned it here as something else.

It differs greatly, and the thing i saw is more adult than the blog content i could compare it tooand that is where my problem lies that at the end a helpline (my blog) was given out for those ‘affected’ by the content.

dontcallmecrazyIt seems as if the sjw’s have invaded tv, and the nuances of the thing have lost with the sjw’s in tv adding the ‘downer’.

While the original was lacking i rather liked the depressing angle in the tv version however badly handled at the end.

My name is bananas in the falklands and i am a banana addict* – you happy broadcast  tv sjw’s ?

*i joke – bananas anonymous does not exist

Even more fun with capita services (stocks and shares)

Capita do shareholder services and as documented here its a bit iffy.  When i had to do something for real rather than ask how it is done to which i never got a actual response.

hellotmobileA change of address (not banks or stuff like that) was required as one ape was moving to whipsnade zoo in the country  so a lot things say there banana shares need updating. I ring  one day only to find the telephone line is not working – or piss off its the fire drill day and nothing will be achieved for five hours that day via a phone.

So I have to do it online which seems to be working if you do not mind poor ssl from capita, and essentially I am done in a hour with the right bits of paper.  Days later and a mountain of paper post gets delivered to the old address and the new one i am told it must have cost them several pounds in mail charges.

Other share registrars are better and keep the paper trail minimal.

Its rather ironic that the paper generated is huge from online, two letters per address is ok but eight all saying the same thing strikes me as too much.

Mind you who knows how many letters you get when you phone them.  Perhaps it best to not know that

Anyhow the mountain of post from capita seems to have eventually stopped which is a relief as the recycle bin was a bit too full.